blackhole soul

conTEMPT

2007-04-26T08:56:43Z

"ask and you will be forgiven."

But do forgiveness really exists or is it just mere acceptance of attack and ruin? Like that of traitors who leave a permanent stain at the back of the pigeon's head, no amount of sorrys will compensate the damage regardless of how dinky it is. The grudge sits at that corner of the head or even worse at the heart --and it consumes every part of both the hoody and the booby.

...and for honesty/saving asses sake,
i, too, "came as a sinner and was dressed like a saint"

period

2007-04-25T05:57:28Z

i dont understand why people keep on leaving and running away...and i simply hate looking for an answer that would satisfy my damned logic.

people mostly dwell in possibilities and I'm fine with that, coz i do. Things like closure, healing, sacrifice are some of the "good" reasons why people leave. Yet i cannot bring my self close to believing such things; not even a mile close. People leave because they want to and that is an undeniable truth. They hurt you and/or themselves consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally. That's pretty absurd, you know. But then again it happens and it's a choice.

I am not asking you to believe me or give me an explanation. For now, i am sticking to my "reality".

--------------------

Girl: "why do people always leave?"
Boy: "'coz people are self-centered, egotistical and don't really care about anyone. pag nakuha na nila gusto nila, yun na yun."

(a text conversation from two of my friends, who apprently are leaving me in a way)

isnipe @ 2007-04-20T22:03:00

2007-04-20T14:16:03Z

If you try to weigh the chains surrounding your heart on a bad friday night, you'll realize how infinity is never enough to measure its mass. Weigh "ours". Lucky you if you'll ever figure it out.

i can't believe i'm flooding entries to my lj today.

semi-insomniac

2007-04-20T13:50:53Z

for some super weird reasons, I CAN'T SLEEP. it really pisses me off.

honestly, im sick of dealing with my waking hours and the only way i can get rid of it is through sleep. Yet apparently, i cannot sleep. darn it. lately, i have the tendency to get paranoid and wear out my brain everytime i am conscious. since school is over, i cannot distract myself from thinking over things i am not prepared of dealing with.

fine. no bull.
i wish i could save them both.

sometimes, i wonder if it's better that they didn't have to know me.

i suck right?

"wishes are brutal, unforgiving things" -ice queen

i need pills

2007-04-20T07:33:51Z

have you ever experienced being caught in a perfect scum of choices bound to complicate every single thing in your life? well not really everything but sort of yeah-- everything...coz it somewhat works like a domino right?(hell.ang labo) uhm..think about being back to kindergarten and being left with a huge, detailed puzzle you must work on and if you're not able to fit back all the pieces together, you'll end up being the loser who don't gets a star at the end of the day for being such an idiot. It's close to how i feel right now. if only i am capable of thinking the way i'm suppose to think, and if only i can stop myself from acting sooooo indifferent, things could be better unlike the way it is now. I mean, it could have been more "peaceful" (if that's even the right term).

mammamia.im so dead. x_x
how come i survived the so called "hell term" of a commarts student and not this one?

pills, anyone?

-__-

2007-04-18T14:59:17Z

i desperately need to shut my brain off but i just can't. it has been running wild lately, in every absurd direction. thing is, i can't hit the brakes. the more i try, the more it gets harder to control.

reality farts.

bent

2007-04-16T10:25:39Z

when both ends of a line meet, it forms a circle;
just like a cycle which cannot be reduced to a simpler state.

on how i can break this curse, that i cannot tell.

stubborn, that's what i am.
i never thought i was this good (or dumb, if you wish to call it that) at distorting figures.

now i am so damn confused.

strike in

2007-03-12T15:25:59Z

When someone told me that I have to wait for the “right time”, the very first thing that entered my mind was “you’re talking bullshit maaaan”. Well, sorry for that. I hardly believe that statement. For me, it’s just a lame excuse for your cowardly attitude of escaping risks, wasting opportunities and prolonging your self induced agony. The time is NOW. Use it.

linetik

2007-03-08T14:36:39Z

Line concept:

-Has two endpoints that never meet; say Point A must not be in closure with Point B. Even if Point A and Point B are contained on a single, definite path, it can never be together. That is how it 's suppossed to be and have to be...and if rules are ought to be broken someday, just remember what the Red Stars Theory states: "inside combinations involve complications."

Why even bother messing up if you can simply shut up?
A line is line, don't even try.

trances

2007-03-04T15:43:57Z

The worst part of being scared is when no matter how you are surrounded by many poeple, you still feel alone. It is as if everything falls apart into a blackhole gravitating your courage towards destruction. At times like this, silence becomes my whole universe. I always end up having this dream of being slowly tranformed into a despicable creature, having yellow skin painted with bizarre figures; my eyes are all black,empty but like diamonds. No one dares to look at me, or even say a word to me. So one day, I just stopped talking.

Do I sound like a tragedy? Well, maybe not.

-----
I've learned this when I was a child...
Whenever I feel alone, I put my hands together and then I feel better. It's not all about make believing that someone is there holding me. It was far more than that. Notice the position.

double negation

2007-03-04T07:42:55Z

Fright is like being left with a damp match in the middle of a brownout.
It's either someone rescues you or you rescue yourself alone.
Regardless of which situation you'll end up with,
you will have, will always have, to befriend the dark
no matter how time stretched.
Waiting sucks.

isnipe @ 2007-03-04T01:34:00

2007-03-03T17:45:46Z

ultimate lesson that one needs to learn:
STEADY LANG.
okaaaay?!?

minnie mo-use

2007-03-03T16:14:25Z

sometimes, the world is like a deck of tarrot cards. you are given a lot of options which will define your "destiny" (if such a thing exists) yet you only get to pick the best ethereal representation of your life. Looking back to everything that happened to me recently, i felt like a child trapped at Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory, lusting my eyes for all the kinds of sweets i could ever imagine, never knowing which one's worth grabbing or worth causing a tootache and it pretty sucks to be in that situation 'cause I know I cannot simply sing the minimo song.

Tarrot cards are just probabilities. What chances could make you possibly choose the right one?
Chocolates are one big guilty pleasure. How far can one go?

I wish I know how to carry on.

argh

2007-02-27T14:18:00Z

How can you not get the best of both worlds at the same time? hah.
things money cannot bribe.
but i understand you little devils; you don't believe there's something more valuable than money.
well first, i don't care and second, i'm not asking you to believe me anyway.
obedience is your plague.

I've been through really extreme situations yesterday and today...
and I officially mark this day as the supermastercrammer/toxic/sabaw/mushroom/crappy day of my entire life as a commarts student. (while yesterday's the exact opposite)
waws. "yah yay"

are you really worth a "to-die-for" subject?

someday

2007-02-22T15:18:32Z

i dream of becoming a youth ambassador before i graduate from DLSU.
i may never be perfect when it comes to speech but i could work on that-
rhetorics is an old friend.

i want to speak the language of those who have drowned themselves in silence-
stained souls,
murdered childhood,
fractured homes,
abandoned hearts.

i want the world to hear and understand everything which they failed to communicate.
i want to eradicate the itch that envelopes their throat.
i want them to be free from the chains of sadness.

i want you to reach out to them.
i need you to dream with me.

isnipe @ 2007-02-22T22:11:00

2007-02-22T14:28:21Z

sometimes, i wish i have the power to teleport wherever i want to
so i can be away from people.
most of the time, they have the tendency to harm my benevolent or rather cold existence.
i don't understand why people have to behave like cannibals;
they feed on your flesh, your heart, your soul like a predator to its prey.
as much as i want to believe that this world is a better palce,
the very thought of it darns me.

what are men made of?

2007-02-21T15:38:57Z

How can science explain that people aren't just made of bone and flesh?
or whatever sort of atomic structures?
'cause you know what? People are also made of plastics.
Trust me, it's true. Only idiots deny that fact.

soup

2007-01-21T05:24:42Z

Have you ever been in a situation when the world didn't matter and that objects or subjects are just mere components of an uncertain, chaotic uiniverse? Well, it doesn't really make sense to you right? ...'cause afterall, it's the way things were and will always be. So what's the point of blabbing out things which you might take as non senscal? Call it moronic and/or pathetic but I have a confession to make.

I'm growing a heart like that of an Underground man.

How deep is my shithole?

bye bye beautiful

2006-12-09T03:48:25Z

chasing distance
within a stonethrow,
through the eyes
where tears fall,
seeping secretly on a desert
void of mountains;
grasping cactus
'til the sand turns red;
like a sky bleeding
into crimson.
her sight failing,
heart breaking.

obscuro

2006-11-29T16:38:20Z

my raven,

as greenwich

race with my paralytic dreams,

come, they die

of apathy

gravitating their souls

on and on until Sahara weeps.

i like you because i like you.

the BOTH is sinking

2006-11-27T15:35:10Z

to have this feeling,
a sting, itching, blot red,
frenzies my stationary fingers
to trace and scratch
from skin to vein,
crust to core,
like a typograpical error laid on a paper,
torn by friction.

potah i hate you.

quinse

2006-11-19T12:20:21Z

The bone wreaks with a slip of a tongue,
twisted like fate, fractured like sediments,
glued all together in temporary panacea;
for it was where the heart was sheltered
like a cage devised to deceive
-death over a breath of life
-prestige over an illusion

Her mouth shut, this time even more careful.
it is her words that betray,
turning to her inwards like a speeding bullet.
It was a supposed secret she had written on a fog,
lighted through a torn desire
but soon revealed on the clouds.
she sees through him beyond any depth,
she sees through her higher than a tower,
yet no one stares her back,
not even me, a scab.

The bone wreaks with a slip of a tongue
twisted like fate, fractured like sediments,
glued all together in temporary panacea;
for it was where the heart dies
like a peruvian offering on the mount.
-death over a breath of life
-prestige over an illusion

now she seemed awake,
decadent as the sun, unaware between the lines dissecting her soul.
as her lips parted,
i can see her crippled shadow falling on the ground.
the leaves of the tree rustling for lament,
again and again in a defeaning echo.
she thought she saw him beyond depth,
she thought she should stop gazing her tower.
yet no one think she's right,
not even me, a scab.