"ask and you will be forgiven."

But do forgiveness really exists or is it just mere acceptance of attack and ruin? Like that of traitors who leave a permanent stain at the back of the pigeon's head, no amount of sorrys will compensate the damage regardless of how dinky it is. The grudge sits at that corner of the head or even worse at the heart --and it consumes every part of both the hoody and the booby.

...and for honesty/saving asses sake, 
i, too,  "came as a sinner and was dressed like a saint"

i dont understand why people keep on leaving and running away...and i simply hate looking for an answer that would satisfy my damned logic.

people mostly dwell in possibilities and I'm fine with that, coz i do. Things like closure, healing, sacrifice are some of the "good" reasons why people leave. Yet i cannot bring my self close to believing such things; not even a mile close. People leave because they want to and that is an undeniable truth. They hurt you and/or themselves consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally. That's pretty absurd, you know. But then again it happens and it's a choice.

I am not asking you to believe me or give me an explanation. For now, i am sticking to my "reality".

--------------------

Girl: "why do people always leave?"
Boy: "'coz people are self-centered, egotistical and don't really care about anyone. pag nakuha na nila gusto nila, yun na yun."

(a text conversation from two of my friends, who apprently are leaving me in a way)

If you try to weigh the chains surrounding your heart on a bad friday night, you'll realize how infinity is never enough to measure its mass. Weigh "ours". Lucky you if you'll ever figure it out. 

i can't believe i'm flooding entries to my lj today.  

for some super weird reasons, I CAN'T SLEEP. it really pisses me off. 

honestly, im sick of dealing with my waking hours and the only way i can get rid of it is through sleep. Yet apparently, i cannot sleep. darn it. lately, i have the tendency to get paranoid and wear out my brain everytime i am conscious. since school is over, i cannot distract myself from thinking over things i am not prepared of dealing with.

fine. no bull.
i wish i could save them both.

sometimes, i wonder if it's better that they didn't have to know me.

i suck right?

"wishes are brutal, unforgiving things" -ice queen

have you ever experienced being caught in a perfect scum of choices bound to complicate every single thing in your life? well not really everything but sort of yeah-- everything...coz it somewhat works like a domino right?(hell.ang labo) uhm..think about being back to kindergarten and being left with a huge, detailed puzzle you must work on and if  you're not able to fit back all the pieces together, you'll end up being the loser who don't gets a star at the end of the day for being such an idiot. It's close to how i feel right now. if only i am capable of thinking the way i'm suppose to think, and if only i can stop myself from acting sooooo indifferent, things could be better unlike the way it is now. I mean, it could have been more "peaceful" (if that's even the right term).

mammamia.im so dead. x_x 
how come i survived the so called "hell term" of a commarts student and not this one?

pills, anyone?

i desperately need to shut my brain off but i just can't. it has been running wild lately, in every absurd direction. thing is, i can't hit the brakes. the more i try, the more it gets harder to control. 

reality farts.

when both ends of a line meet, it forms a circle;
just like a cycle which cannot be reduced to a simpler state.

on how i can break this curse, that i cannot tell.

stubborn, that's what i am.
i never thought i was this good (or dumb, if you wish to call it that) at distorting figures.

now i am so damn confused.